Planes, Fears, and Motherhood

I am afraid the plane would plunge down from the sky and plummet us to our death.

Mind you, it is not dying in a plane crash I am afraid of; that kind of death is instantaneous.

What worries me about flying and the possibility of a crash is the idea that I would know death is coming before it takes me.

Those few minutes of awareness that it is all over, that the plane would hit the ground soon enough and my life would be snuffed out for good, scares the hell out of me.

Take offs and landings are always the worst.

One month after my son's birth, we traveled to the US from Ethiopia. I had our newborn baby cradled in my arms. I was breastfeeding him to minimize the effects of air pressure changes from the take off.

All of a sudden, I was gripped with terror like no other before. I couldn't breath. I began to panic, digging my nails into my husband's hand to stop myself from screaming "No! no! no! Stop the plane. Let me off!"

Because, you see, it hit me.

If we crashed, my son would die. If we crashed, I would know, for the few minutes before, my son would die. If we crashed, my son would feel pain, even if it is for a second or two.

The plane took off fine. And once we stabilized at a cruising altitude, it occurred to me. My fears were no longer related to me and my death. They were all about my son.

Motherhood has changed me in countless and fundamental ways. It has even gone as far as rearranging my irrational fears.

-------------------------

Happy Mother's Day Mommies!

Hey Mom, Happy Mothers Day to you too:)